Soul Search Letra

I've grown up a lot and I'm tryna be different, I hope that you noticed it too
I'm not as angry as I used to be when I started to rap and was broken in two
Nothin' was sweeter to me than ideas of bein' more than someone nobody knew
Maybe cause nobody knew what I been through and it was too hard and I told them the truth
If you knew what I was thinkin' about, it was harder to suppress all the anger
Yellin' at the microphone was the only way I was able to [?] with these changes
I know you wanted to see me portrayed in a way that I barely could hang with
Tellin' me it's hard to mess with me now that I'm doin' better and I'm virtually painless
But when I was down in the gutter knew everybody that had ever come around me had it like that
I cracked under the white light, define that
Time passed by and I finally got the mind back
Didn't really wanna be the one to do it, but you knew I was doin' it [?]
All I know is I ain't done with the flow any moment I'm goin' to show you what I know and bring it right back
And some of you really believe that an artist just isn't entitled to change
I think it's just a deflection of your own rejection of copin' with life in these ways
But freakier to me, if people to talk about you [with they necks in your face?]
I always pretend I don't see it cause it's even sharper to know there's a knife in your way
Why you gonna piss an elephant off [?]
I don't even kill 'em in real life, but push it and you will see somebody rise
And I know that there's somebody in me I don't wanna be and I keep it inside
But still I it, believe that everybody's got a limit and no one's [?]
It's gonna get ugly in here!
Everything that I been bottling up is about to ignite
Better here me, yeah!
You will now know that if I'm goin' down then it's down with a fight
For every tongue I ever bite, every lyric that I don't recite
I'm tired of hidin' the way that I feel to make somebody feel as if they wanna like me
I ain't about that life!
Look in my eyes, I've had an epiphany
Memory playin' to me like a symphony
Tappin' in to it, I remember vividly
What I was doin' it for
It is for me
It is therapeutic listening
I ain't listening to anybody but me, when I write I'm gonna write my history, come on!
I don't believe in what anybody wanna tell me that they never been into me and I really hate lies
Maybe I'm cynical, I get minimal intervals with another human being every day of my life
I don't wanna be nice, and I don't wanna be a buddy-buddy at a price
All I wanna do is celebrate it when I rise, and give anybody I love a really good life
It's funny I dropped out of school, wouldn't you know it I thought I was cool
But if I'm bein' honest, I blame it on my inability for me to follow the rules
Didn't do it so I could be told what to do in my music and coddle you fools
I won't pretend to be anyone other than me anymore, I don't wanna be used
And that's probably not what you wanted to hear
Don't follow me, I'm no role model, that's clear
I got them issues
I'm tryna accept that
I don't wanna befriend you if aren't able to get that
I'm on a mission to soul search
I am aware that the globe hurts
I don't know where I'ma find me, but when I do I'ma prob'ly have no words
I don't believe I have no purpose
Diggin' it up in the cold earth
I was [?] I'm livin' in pain, and later my flow birth from go first